Sometimes…

Life can be so complicated. Seriously. Complicated. I know a few posts back I said that the adoption was “rockin and rollin again”. Well. Now. It. Is. Not. Yep you read that right. The family that was going to adopt her, have decided that they are not going to adopt her. And it is as simple as that. Such a big pit in my stomach. Such a long process to be in, to really be nowhere at all. To think that adoptions were just so “simple”. It has not helped the process that the biological mom has told us many lies. Lies complicate things. Sin complicates EVERYTHING! It is so much easier to just tell the truth. The truth can always stand alone. So now, where do we go. Well I have no idea. At this point, we have this beautiful little girl who has lived with us for almost a year. She is very attached to our family. We love her. We really felt like we were not the “one” to adopt her. But now, we dont know. Maybe every door has shut because we are to adopt her. We have no idea. We are just praying and asking the Lord for direction or asking the Lord to just drop the right family in our laps. Right now we are going to become her legal foster parent through the state. So that will take some time. I say we are going to do that, but anything could change. Let’s just say we are investigating our options. Any advice?

This has been a very frustrating journey. We have lost close friends because we did not allow the first family to adopt her. We know we followed the Lord’s lead on that. Let me be very clear, we really loved them as people, it was just not right for Krystina due to some circumstances. Actually they were some of our closest friends. But this has to be about what is right for Krystina not what is right for a friendship. That will forever scar me. The friendships that were lost. I miss them. Alot. I don’t know if those friends still visit my blog. But if they ever did and read this I would want them to know how much I love them and miss there presence in my family’s life. That I think about them often. That we pray for them. And I would love to hug there necks. I would love to sit down over a coffee and talk. I would love to hang out.

One of the biggest things I have learned. Is that when God gives you a task to do. He gives you the guidance and peace to go along with it. He does not have to give your friends the peace, he gives you the peace, because you are the one He is trusting with whatever he has. And He does not give you more than you can handle, although at times I wonder, if He really knows how much I can handle. He really has guided us. He has given us the peace. This though has me stuck. Why? Why did it not work out with this family that we love so much? We love them? We think they would be so good for Krystina. Can I tell you what I think? I have no clue…. This is what I do know. God is still faithful. I can still trust God to work it out. His plan is sovereign. His way, is not mine. The tapestry that he is creating in Krystina’s life, has us weaving in and out of people’s lives. People that have been a blessing to us. God still has a plan. ( I just don’t know what it is) God is still God. And he has Krystina’s best interest at heart, and He loves her more than I do. And I can rest in that and be at peace with where we are at.

I am excited to put this aside for awhile. We have been dealing with this since this summer. And it has flat worn me out. I am happy to enjoy the holidays and not think of finding a family or even having to spend hours on the phone with people trying to get to the bottom of the biological mom’s story! At least we know the true story now. So if a family does come along, we know what to say! Please be praying with us. We do have BIG decisions to pray about. I dont want to do what I want, Me and Tony really want what the Lord would have for her.

Life

So I have had so much to write about. Dont know where to start. Today has been one of those days, where I sit here and feel like the life has just been sucked out of me. I am so tired tonight. I worked today. Came home and made dinner, fed the kids. Then we went to the Christmas Tree Lighting. And I was going to write this great post, and well I am at a loss for words. So in order to save you from reading a bad post, I will write tomorrow!

My Home…

I love my home. I love everything about it. I really love it at Christmas. It is so pretty. I know this is so vain. To talk all about something that is so temporal. But I really enjoy everything about it. My mom helped me to hang some curtains in the kitchen tonight, and it is even more cozy. I just want to sip on some coffee and sit in there.

Our home is peaceful…except when the kids are playing. But you can just sense the peace in our home. I think it keeps our kids settled.
I love walking into my room. It is like our own retreat. I do not like the kids in my room. It is my space.

I love our living room. The way we have it arranged right now is nice. I have a habit of changing furniture around, but we have kept it this way for about 6 months. And i love it. We have had fires a lot lately. And I love getting all curled up on the couch to read a book by the fire.

I love all the trees outside. That was a big attraction for us when we bought the home. Of course, raking them all is not always so fun.

I love each of the kids rooms, they are full of so much personality.

I love my home. I am at peace tonight!

We are still sick

Can you believe it, we are still sick. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I have nothing ready. But I am thankful that my family is all here with me…even though we are sick. I will post more once I get all 5 monkeys in bed.

Sick Kids

Yep we have sick kids. Chandler started by being REALLY sick. SO sick they thought he had bacterial meningitis and sent us to Children Hospital and we were there for 15 hours. And they had to do a Spinal Tap. Oh my word. Talk about a mom’.s nightmare. He was SO brave though, he did not even cry. I was such a proud mama. He has not eaten in several days and still does not feel well. But he is better than what he was. Well tonight Ben started getting sick. Can we all just say attack from the devil??? Seriously! So anyways, I have been cleaning up lots of throw up. Taking Temperatures. Making soup. Trying to keep 5 kids happy. And keep my own mind sane! So we will be back, once we get some healthy people in the house. I must go lysol some more!

23 POUNDS GONE

Yep that is my new total. To say I am excited would be an understatement. To go from feeling so miserable and being overweight, to seeing results, after trying everything in the book. I AM EXCITED!!!!

Does it interest you?

Rockin Rollin…

Okay…God is BIG! DO YOU REALLY BELIEVE THAT!!! We are back FULL SWING with the adoption with our family. I am so HAPPY!!! I just could not believe that it had come to that head to all end for nothing. WE KNOW beyond a SHADOW OF A DOUBT that the baby belongs with this family. IT is so a GOD thing. Will you pray with us that it happens speedily and fast from this moment on. I don’t want to give out too many details because, well I just need you to pray with us. GOD SPEED!!!!

Now I know…

Why we go through the boys underwear so fast. I always am washing a WHOLE load of whites. With TONS of undies. Today as Ben was getting dressed, I noticed his rear end to look a little bigger! So I asked if he has more than one pair on? So he smiles really big, and takes off one pair, another pair, another pair, another pair! Ouch, you would think he would not like that for how tight that would feel around your stomach. So now I know, and hopefully we have resolved that problem and I wont have to do as much laundry!

Are you serious?

That is the thought that keeps running through my head with all this adoption stuff. To finally get to where we were at, to finally see the light at the end of the tunnel, to find the right family, to go through everything that we have gone through. FOR??? It is so frustrating. It actually is beyond frustrating. I don’t have adequate words to write down for how my heart hurts. For how heavy my heart hurts tonight. Thankfully today we had a leadership training, and it really got my mind off of everything. It was so much awesome information. Oh my word, the wisdom that came from these people. I could not write fast enough.

Tonight we are just relaxing and we have church tomorrow. I really want to start a fire, we will see if I can go talk my sweet honey into it…

Overwhelmed…

That would be a good word for how I am feeling at the current moment. I am overwhelmed for many many reasons. Thank God I am taking my supplements and my levels for the adrenal stuff are okay, other wise I think I would be in BIG trouble.

Anyways, the adoption. Oh the adoption. Can I tell you, I never could have thought in my wildest dreams that something would be so complicated. The fathers of this beautiful child. Are dangerous and REALLY bad news. In order to protect all parties involved, I am not going to write about it any further. As of today due to really complicated things, the adoption is off. She is not up for adoption.

I feel like I have been on an emotional roller coaster that keeps going round and round. Just when I thought I was going to get off someone hit the button and sent us spinning again.

We would love for the adoptive family to be able to adopt her. We care for them deeply. I mean, we really really do. They were the family for baby. And we are heartbroken tonight that they will not have the opportunity to adopt her. It is not like the first family, we just knew it was wrong. This family was the one.

Can I tell you SIN really messes things up. God has given us a manual for how we are to live, and we should, because when we dont we fall into the bondage of so much and sometimes when people get so stuck in it, it takes a long time to dig themselves out. I know my God is so big. I know he has a plan for the mom and baby. At this point in this journey, I have NO idea what that entails. It could be anything. We are planning on just enjoying our holiday season coming up. Enjoying the kids. Getting our family back in order. I am excited to have that normalcy back. I am excited to not have to think about this adoption. It will be the first time in MONTHS!!! I am excited to just love on all 5. Put up our Christmas tree. Hang the lights outside. Rake leaves. We love to rack leaves, the kids think it is the best. Especially when you can play in them. Watch late night movies with my honey. Sit by the fire. Just hang and be normal.

I have taken there “real” names off all my posts. We just have to protect ourselves. I am trying to think of some fake names to call them. Any suggestions??? I will most likely be changing my phone number as well. We will let everyone that has it now….have the new one…if you want it! Okay well it is a night for me. I am needing a good night sleep. Tomorrow we are going to a big Advocare Event. Hey at least we will be without kids. That is a considered a date to me.