The Pottery

So last night around 10 PM I took one of my favorite pieces of red pottery. It was pitcher. Before I threw it against the wall, I asked the Lord to talk to me and show me things about myself. Then SMASH. Wow…that felt good. Anyways, I swept up all the pieces. Brought them inside and laid them on some newspaper. I tried to get them all organized, the best I could. And then I began. After about 10 minutes, I said to Tony “please will you help me with this, it is to hard to figure out.” He said no, because then I would not learn what I was wanting to learn. I was very frustrated. I kept burning my hands with the glue gun. And poking my hands on the sharp pieces of glass. Tony did say about this time, you better start from the bottom and work your way up, it will be much easier. Needless to say I did not heed to that, and it paid in the end, because my jar would not go back together correctly. Of course it depends on how you looked at it, some angles it looked like it was all put back together, and then you turn the jar and you can see the big mistakes.

So when I began this I was not feeling God speaking to me at ALL. And then I thought, okay maybe this experience is for someone with recent loss or grief only. I kept putting some from the top together and then some from the bottom, and then some in between. And i was using LOTS of glue. Trying to just fill holes with glue instead of the piece that was broken off. By now, I was almost done, and then…God whispered to my heart. This is a good example of you Heidi. ME? Are you serious. This is a mess, it looks terrible, and I stink at pottery. And then it was very clearly spoken to my heart…this is you 10 years ago. And he showed me some things about my pottery. I was this vessel, that basically had it all together. And then because of life and life’s choices I broke…completely. My world fell apart. AND I tried to put it back together again. The best I could. But did you notice something…I…tried to put it back together again. Anytime that just YOU…alone…try to do something….it just does not work. God wants us to be completely reliant upon him. He created us like that. And he showed me the areas that I tried to put back together again…where I tried to just shove more glue to hold it together, or where I tried to shove more glue to cover up a hole, because maybe I could not find the piece or maybe it was to painful to deal with, so I just filled it with “stuff” or glue! I did that last night too, there where areas on my pitcher that I had the piece for, but it would have cut my hand or hurt me to put it in. And in the end there was this half done up vessel….that needed to be broken again. He reminded me when he broke me again and when He started the rebuilding process. It was about 8 years ago. And it has been a process ever since. I will always be in a process, of being put in the fire again. When he started rebuilding me, He started from the bottom and worked His way up. He made a good foundation, and then He worked on everything else.

He knows what is best for me. I am the clay and HE is the potter. He knows all my pieces that are broken and he knows where they each belong. He created me in His image. He knew me when I was in my mother’s womb. He knows every hair on my head. He sees my tears, my struggles, my joys, my accomplishments, my failures, everything He knows! he knows when he needs to put me in the fire again.

When I finished completely, I was frustrated because it was such an awkward pitcher now. And then again very clearly, He whispered to my heart, break it again and start from the bottom. Well by this time it was midnight and I needed to get up really early today. So I put the extra pieces that I had left over on the counter and my awkward vessel up on the counter. And tonight, I will be taking it apart again and putting it back together. And we will see what He shares with me tonight.